Lost and Found

Last night I had a dream about a couple who were lost, but in the end found each other again along with their true selves in Jesus.  What made this dream so vivid was the fact that it could be the story of anyone.  It began as usual with infatuation, which led to "falling in love" which led to the reckless lifestyle associated with the infatuation of "falling in love".  Notice I put "falling in love" in quotes, because to me, this phase of any relationship is a trap that fools people into thinking that relationships and love just happens, there's no work involved.  Anyone who's been married, or involved in a relationship past this "in love" phase knows that this just isn't true.  There's a tremendous amount of work required to maintain and sustain a successful relationship.  People just aren't willing to put in the work.  But that's another story for another time, back to this one.  


So, finally, as most couples do, this one encountered rough waters...really rough.  They had a few children out of wedlock, because they hadn't formalized their commitment to each other (and I suspect because the man didn't fully yet understand his leadership responsibilities), they began to "fall out of love" which essentially meant they stopped working at their relationship.  Soon drugs, alcohol, and unfaithfulness became a part of their stories.  But along the way something interesting happened.  An older family member started praying for them both.  It was an old grandmother, but in reality, this could have been anyone with the wisdom and love necessary to counsel them back to the right path.  Despite her prayers initially, the young couple and their family broke apart.  The young man left his family and began to wonder, gone for long periods of time without notice.  Soon the young woman did the same, and eventually the grandmother took the children from the relationship in.  But she kept praying.  And whenever one of the parents would come back for a visit, or would come back seemingly clean for a moment, she would encourage them and prophesy about a coming better day.  She always reminded them that they were one choice away from restoration.  Of course she was talking about giving their lives to Christ.  


Finally, one day it happened.  The young man gave his life to Christ, and in the midst of his change he realized how irresponsible he'd been with his life, his time, his relationships, and his family.  He began to make amends and he started first with this young lady.  Unfortunately she wasn't prepared to receive anything he had to say because she was still battling her own demons.  So he moved forward to his family, restoring his relationship with his young sons and starting to become the father they needed, one he never had himself.  Then one day the grandmother heard that the young lady (her granddaughter) had turned herself into a rehab clinic.  After a period of time she told the young man who she was now very close with.  And at her program completion, he and their young boys surprised her with a visit.  They arrived to find a changed woman, not just because of the lack of drugs and alcohol though.  She'd also accepted Jesus into her own life and there was a new peace about her.  It didn't take long for the young man and woman to reconcile and start beginning their new life as a family together.  That's when I woke up, looked over at my own wife and thanked God for our own relationship- the pitfalls we've avoided, and the favor that has allowed us to overcome challenges.  


There's a reason why this story stuck with me though.  I believe that there are a lot of relationships out there struggling for some of the same reasons.  At the root is an identity crisis. Two people coming together, not fully knowing themselves or knowing God.  The bible asks, "how can two walk together unless they be agreed?"  There are a lot of lost people in this world trying to use each other to find their way, instead of first finding God.  It's like the blind leading the blind...and we all know how that ends.  So I'm on a crusade to open folks eyes to the reality of Christ, so that they can first find themselves in Him.  And, I'm curious to know, whose relationship out there has been lost and is now found?  What's your story?  If you're willing to share, post on this blog and let your story be a testimony to others.  


SDW3

Love is not a fight...

Love is Not A Fight- By Warren Barfield


Love is not a place
to come and go as we please
its a house we enter in, the commit to never leave
so lock the door behind you, and throw away the key
work it out together, let it bring us to our knees.
love is a shelter, in a raging storm
love, is peace in the middle of a war
and if we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door
no love is not a fight, but its something worth fighting for...


To some love is a word, that they can fall into
but when they're falling out, keeping that word is hard to do
love is a shelter, in a raging storm
love, is a peace in the middle of the war
and if we try to leave, may God send angels to gaurd the door
no love is not a fight, but its something worth fighting for


Love will come and save us, if we'll only call
He'll ask nothing from us, but demand we give our all...

love is a shelter, in a raging storm
love, is peace in the middle of a war
and if we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door
no love is not a fight, but its something worth fighting for...
cause I will fight for you, but will you fight for me...its worth fighting for baby...



I love this song by Warren Barfield, because the lyrics depict not only the ideal condition of marital love, but also the model of love God has for each of us.  Practicing love the right way, especially in marriage but even in other relationships will always require effort, but it's so worth it!  Too many people give up when they're in a hard place, simply because they either don't know how to love, or they don't want to try.  


I challenge you to look to God's example of love for us as your model for how to love your significant other.  He doesn't quit, He doesn't hold grudges, He believes the best, He's always there.  Regardless of how we act, He's committed and He's always ready to move forward together.  For those of us fortunate enough to be married and have people in our lives worth fighting for, let's keep fighting for love.  


Dedicated to my boo, who I love, and who fights for our love.  
SDW3

A faithful generation

Deuteronomy 30:19-20
I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse.  So choose life in order that you may live, you and your descendants by loving the Lord your God, by obeying His voice, and by holding fast to Him; for this is your life and the length of your days.


You'd be amazed at the pace of events that can occur from one single act of obedience.  Even more so, a string of obedient events.  Families are put on different paths.  Where you may come from a broken home, with no strong role models, and a lack of guidance.  Somehow, you finding your way, can help ensure that generations after you never have to search as hard to find theirs.  


Our world desperately needs to see more examples of a faithful generation, because some don't believe that it's possible.  We need folks astute enough to recognize the plight their family lineage is in, but humble enough to realize that only through seeking God and figuring out His way, can generational curses and challenges be removed.  Husbands and fathers who decide that no longer will households of children in their family grow up unaware of God and the virtues of faith.  Marriages that determine that the cycle of poverty, low educational achievement, crime,  fatherless, and poor life outcomes for children that often result in broken homes will be reversed because they will learn to do things the right way.  


Yea, I'm advocating that there is a right way.  It's clearly stated in the bible.  It's something we Christians often shy away from, but the simple fact is, it's our wholehearted belief.  It's time we stop trying to prove others wrong, and instead focus on proving God right by living life as He intended for us to live. So to the husbands and fathers, wives and mothers out there, I challenge you to seek God and discover your role in establishing a faithful generation.  


SDW3

The Future of Couples Small Groups

Consider the following findings from research done on our generation of "church attending" and non "church attending" young adults determine which ones resonate with you: 

• We desire small group activities that promote relationship and belonging.  
• We desire as many opportunities as possible to connect with mentors 
• We desire to frequently participate in small group meetings to discuss life application to scripture  
• We desire to determine our beliefs via hands on, practical learning experiences
• We desire information and advice from as many people as possible who have relevant, similar life experiences

If these are things that we desire, then why is it so difficult to bring people together?  How do people generally feel, despite wanting some kind of community connections?  Here are some comments from respondents in that same research: 

• We all have crazy schedules.  When we do get together, it's a miracle.
• Young adults are searching with an unsettling feeling, almost like a nomad.
• There is a lot of pressure from our society about making money, providing for your family, and being able to afford a home and a certain lifestyle.  I think all those internal pressures started to collide with me and with my faith.
• I'm hungry to be known intimately, and to be challenged

When I started posting to this blog and inviting couples to join my wife and I in bible study, it was for many of the same reasons above, but it also was because of my own passion for what I believe to be the most important issue facing our generation: the future of marital and family relationships (I know, it's a bit dramatic, but it's my calling).  Families are at the center of this world, and the heart of families are marriage relationships.  In many ways, the way husbands and wives relate to one another, can set in order a chain of events that determines how children grow up, the amount communities achieve, and the strength of nations.  Really the fabric of our lives is based on relationships that start in the home.  When God created man and woman, He did so with the intent that they would develop their own relationship to the point where they could become one and lead together.  We're not seeing that much anymore.  People come together for selfish reasons, and then they separate for even more selfish reasons.  And the lack of mentors about how to build and maintain successful relationships is appalling!  How are young people supposed to know how to create the next generation of families and communities if no one around them can show them the way?  

That's why I believe that a group dedicated towards supporting young couples grow together and learn how to lead together is important.  That's our marriage mission (Samantha and I).  We want to impact countless numbers of marriages, families, and communities by helping couples see the potential in their partnership.  I think getting to have this impact can only come through building relationships, whether virtually, in person, in small groups, one on one, or in service together.    

So, we're retooling our approach right now for how we're going to accomplish this aim.  We'll probably be reaching out to some of you in the near future to get your insight as to what role you'd like to play we'd love to hear any suggestions you may have.  We also will be setting up new opportunities to engage one another.  Looking forward to the next step!

SDW3

A Wilderness Spouse

If you're in the wilderness phase of your life, you and your spouse will both know it.  The wilderness phase is characterized by reflection, isolation, sometimes self-doubt, loneliness, and perhaps even concern for the future.  Jesus was sent into the wilderness for a specific time, for a specific purpose, which God told Him about beforehand.  Moses on the other hand, fled into the wilderness of his own accord, running away from his problems, his past, and his calling.  


But look at what happened to Moses in the wilderness.  He experienced some refining, retooling, and a rebirth.  He also got married, started a family, and gained a new perspective on life.  Regardless of the phase that you and your spouse currently find yourselves in, there's plenty to be learned from Moses and Zipporah's wilderness experience.  This week's small group will examine the following questions from Exodus 2-4:   


What to do with your spouse in the wilderness?

1. What was the significance of Moses getting married and starting a family during this phase of his life?
2. How do you think Zipporah felt when Moses shared with her why he was there and what he was running from?
3. What support do you think Moses needed from his wife during this difficult time?
4. Knowing the role that Zipporah would later play in holding Moses accountable, what does this teach you about how you should hold your spouse accountable during difficult seasons of their lives? 
5. If you or your spouse is currently experiencing a wilderness phase, what's your next step?  What can you both learn from Moses and Zipporah's experience to accelerate your own wilderness development? 

Logistics:

We will start (7pm) and end on time (8pm) and will all be virtual.  So either log onto the community call line or log on via skype at 6:50 and make sure Samuel has your Skype username.  

The group phone # is:            (724) 444-7444        and the call ID: 98967

Catching the vision of this community

Acts 2:42-47
They devoted themselves to the apostles teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.  Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles.  All the believers were together and had everything in common.  Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.  Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts.  They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.
   
Discussion Questions: 

1. What kind of community do you see represented here in the Acts 2 church?
2. What do you think they did to build this community?  How would you sustain it?
3. How does our community compare to the Acts 2 community?
4. What do you need from a community of believers?  Why? 
5. What is our vision for this community?

Logistics:

We will start (7pm) and end on time (8pm) and will all be virtual.  So either log onto the community call line or log on via skype at 6:50 and make sure Samuel has your Skype username.  

The group phone # is:             (724) 444-7444      and the call ID: 98967

Get Your Dream On!

Get Your Dream On

Last night my pastor preached about operating with a Kingdom of God mindset.    And he walked through explicitly how to do that (Mark 4): 

1. hear the word
2. receive the word
3. bring forth fruit

Embedded in the “receive the word” step is a process detailed in Proverbs 4:20-27 which demonstrates the law of receiving.  Whatever you spend your time giving attention to via your mouth, ears, or eyes- that’s what you will have in abundance.  So at the end of the day, your life is a sum total of what you’ve given the most attention to.  

Which brings us to the point of tonight’s bible study discussion.  When was the last time that you gave attention to that dream/those dreams God put in your heart?  How much time do you spend thinking, saying, reading, and listening to the things that prepare you for your dreams?  Tonight we’re going to take the opportunity to do just that.  We’re going to blitz our minds and hearts with recollections of our dreams, in hopes of revitalizing the dreams God has placed in us.  

Here’s what you need to do to prepare.  With your boo (or by yourself), answer the following questions: 

1. CLARITY- What is our dream?  Can i visualize it yet?  What does it look like?
2. REALITY-What factors are we depending on to realize our dream?
3. PASSION-Does our dream compel us to pursue it daily?  
4. STRATEGY-Do we have a strategy to reach out dream?
5. PEOPLE-Have we included the people we need to realize our dream?
6. COST-What would we be willing to pay to achieve our dream?
7. INTENSITY-How tenacious have we been about pursuing our dream?
8. FULFILLMENT-Does working towards our dream bring satisfaction and fulfillment?
9. SIGNIFICANCE-Does our dream benefit others?

Logistics for bible study Thursday evening @ 7 pm 

1. We will start on time and end on time (right @ 8) and will all be virtual:  So either log into the community call line or log on via skype at 6:50 and Samuel will add you to our group skype. 
2. Phone Number: (724) 444-7444  Call ID: 98967

SDW3